clanging bells

“Faith does not eliminate questions. But faith knows where to take them.” ~ Elisabeth Elliot

Books I'm reading!

Books are my delight, I think its inherited. Sorta like that my dad's taste and mine are rather different and I'm starting to build my own collection of books for the years to come. Learning already to invest in books that'll last, not books of the moment.. the early books I have that I don't re-read now or that I've grown out of I sorta regret buying (yes I hereby declare that I'm selling my Pendragon set to anyone who wants it).. I hope I don't grow out of Graceling or Piper's Son or Persuasion (Jane Austen!!) .. quite honestly I think Mockingjay wasn't a really good investment haha. 

Mmm so here are two new additions that I got today for $2 (hurray for secondhand books), Hind's Feet on High Places because I keep seeing recommendations of it and something of Elizabeth Elliot! Searching for them was really like the proverbial needle in haystack because the books were so disorganized. But I knew there should have been a copy of HFoHP in there somewhere because I'd seen it the last time I was packing their books so just prayed and dug through the hard to reach shelf and sweatedddd and all the time there it was sitting on the other shelf in plain sight. And I'd a feeling that there'd be an Amy Carmichael book or Elizabeth Elliot's and along it came! Giving thanks for answered prayers! It reminds me of how much He's involved in my life everyday when I remember all these small prayers that are answered and all the promises He's made.

Still reading Keep a Quiet Heart (from the library) which is the first of hers (EE) I've read but I like her style. Women of great faith are really inspiring.. their utter death to self and.. surrender, that drives me to want more of Him. I think our lives are too protected and saturated with comfort to really know what being a Christian truly means. Read through the second part of Acts today on the train and its really incredible and just amazing now since I read To Live is Christ (Beth Moore). Paul's journey and all the hidden meanings that weren't explicitly chronicled were brought to life. When you think about that one man who came so far, touched so many lives, gave so much, all for the One who first gave it all. 

All things green. 

Now I've green running shoes too! (aside from green flipflops) Mum sent me to help YW buy sports shoes ytd cuz he's a toottoot (a la 外婆) and since mine were also dying. He's so .. untouched by the materialistic world, its kinda funny but then again, very precious. Gonna miss him when he goes to hostel! (though I think I'd like having a big room to myself hahahaha) and he won't be around next Thurs ): 

The things I own come from all sorts of places and have all sorts of histories with their original owners that I can't know about.. they must have something interesting to share with each other. Pearls bring to mind.. Green Gables, piano scales, sand and sea, treasure troves :)

Subtle product placement for mosquito netting company :)

Ahh, I really want to go for Kingdom Invasion but seems like I can only go on Saturday night. Hopefully our match with NJC tomorrow ends early then I can rush home and then to S'pore Expo!

Prayers

Almighty God, in whom we live and move and have our being, you have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in you. Grant us purity of heart and strength of purpose so that no other passion may hinder us from knowing your will, no weakness from doing it. 

- Augustine of Hippo

Dear God, be good to me;
The sea is so wide, And my boat is so small

- Breton Fisherman's Prayer

Lord,
Make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me bring love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
Where there is discord, harmony.
Where there is error, truth.
Where there is wrong, the spirit of forgiveness.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console.
To be understood as to understand.
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

- Francis of Assisi


Dear Lord, grant that I may know thee, love thee, and obey thee.

sing to the Lord a new song

Arsenal 5-2 Tottenham
I love the passes! BRILLIANCE. "Van Persie. It's one against two, but a very brilliant one! (Y)

Can't wait for March haha, time to move on to the March piece! I like how even up till around the 20th of Jan and Feb my pieces don't sound that good yet but then nearing the end of the month suddenly things fall together. Playing with staccatos today :)

100 Books this year reading plan, so far 17 books, week 9. One more book by this week! Oswald Chambers' writing is really illuminating.

Isaiah 42:10
"Sing to the LORD a new song,
his praise from the ends of the earth,
you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it,
you islands, and all who live in them."

Word

Enthusiasm - originally meant inspiration or possession by a divine afflatus or by the presence of a god.

Passion - Christian theological term used for the events and suffering – physical, spiritual, and mental – of Jesus in the hours before and including his trial and execution by crucifixion.
The etymological origins of the word lie in the Greek verb paschō, to suffer, from passages such as Matthew[17:12] (and parallel passages in Mark and Luke) and Acts 1:3. The Latin word passio is used with reference to Christ's mortal suffering in the Vulgate. The term first appears in 2nd century Christian texts precisely to describe the travails and suffering of Jesus in this present context.

Ps 42:4
When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me: for I had gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.(KJV)
These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. (NIV)
My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be: I walked among the crowds of worshipers, leading a great procession to the house of God, singing for joy and giving thanks amid the sound of a great celebration! (NLT)

God really moved in service yesterday. Its the first time I've seen healing happen before my eyes so.. yeah! Awestruck by His power! The battle call has been sounded. Contend for our faith!

Time to pray :D

let go, let God.

I think I've a tendency to overthink and overplan things that are out of my control. Exhibit A, Grenoble OSAP. I don't know if I'm worrying more about it now that I was selected and they might not have the program this year or when I didn't know if I was selected, tskkk.

Hmm Research Congress was good! Hahaha very much love my dragonfly project woohoo. Passion for what you do is really important lah, it makes such a big difference to the work you produce and the way you present it.

Soccer has really a new life with the juniors! Love that we're training separately our attack and defense now. Yeah nationals 2012! Haha I like my position now, it suits me very well. I'm too much defense-minded to play too up I think, I always don't feel secure to let the defense alone. Ohh the days with MingYan and WhaiPengy and Mary holding the fort ): but WARDAHBUMBLEBUFF will always save the day! :D yeahhh power to the captain! <3

I want mango now eehyer ): sleepy!

VDay, 2012

I can hear the footsteps of my King
I can hear His heartbeat beckoning
In my darkness He has set me free
And now I hear the Spirit calling me

Wake up child
It's your time to shine
You were born for such a time as this

I can hear a holy rumbling
I've begun to preach another King
Loosing chains and breaking down the walls
I want to hear the Father when He calls

Jer 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Learning to trust in Him for His perfect timing and reason behind everything.. not to despise the small measures and to love because He has set us free to love. Its hard to grasp the full implication of being set free to love.. but I think its really truly awesome when you think about it. Hmm?

So yes, Happy V Day! Do something meaningful this week and go out and love some people who really need it. If you open your eyes there're really a lot of opportunities everywhere.. guess that means I'll have to stop reading while travelling (bus, MRT or walking) and start looking out hahaha. But then when will I have to to read? D:

Speaking of which.. been reading old writing I've done today. haha sounds kinda ego but I really do like some. Even the ones I don't quite remember writing. There's something about writing on tumblr that's very different from blogger.. hmm I like tumblr for rambling more. Its also interesting to try to figure out why I used this word or another. Feel really blessed for the gifts I have haha! The problem is I can't stick to one theme properly when writing..
I like writing, but only when I like writing.

Shall end off with a poem from my favourite e.e. cummings

if strangers meet
life begins-
not poor not rich
(only aware)
kind neither
nor cruel
(only complete)
i not not you
not possible;
only truthful
-truthfully,once
if strangers(who
deep our most are
selves)touch:
forever

(and so to dark)

I love the way he has with words!

感想 / Thoughts

最近开始读《亲爱的安德烈》。（也不能算最近啦，昨天才开始读）。

记得几年前老爸介绍给我读的时候我看了就怕（其实我对华文书挺有偏见的）所以没拿来读。今年终于下定决心多读华文书避免成为香蕉人所以就从老爸的书橱挖出这本书。

看了几章就觉得很贴切我在思考的话题。

今天读到老爸所说的“电影篇”， 就是安德烈去看了〈好日子过去了〉这部电影后的感想和龙应台的回应。
抽之安之信；
“我是一个 “日子过得太好” 的年青人，狠狠打我几个耳光也不为过。但是至少，我清楚看见自己的生存状态，而且至少，我并不以我的生存状态为荣。”

而龙的回信里；
“我想是在那个时候，我认识到你的性格特质。不是所有的孩子都这样的，也有七岁的孩子会把蜻蜓撕成两半或者把猫的尾巴打死结。你主动把蝈蝈放走，而且试着说服弟弟也放，就一个七岁的孩子来说，已经是一个积极的道德行为。
所以，能不能说，道德的行使消极或积极存乎一心呢？我在生活层面进行消极的道德——不浪费，不奢侈，但是有些事情，我选择积极。譬如对于一个说谎的政府的批判，对于一个愚蠢的决策的抗议，对于权力诱惑的不妥协，对于群众压力的不退让，对于一个专制暴政的长期抵抗……都是道德的积极行使。是不是真有效，当然是另一回事。”

我也觉得我们日子过得太好，对太多人感到内疚，但也有很多时候还是把自己懒惰、累当作借口。有些事会坚持，有些却经常会忘记。

不浪费，对我来说，是很重要的。从小，我想爸爸就以龙应台这个价值观教我们吧，或许是公公以前这么教爸爸的，但是，吃饭不可把剩下的丢掉。浪费食物是万万不可的。长大了，和朋友一起吃饭，才发现这对于许多人，不是理所当然的。很多的朋友，常把一整大盘饭丢掉，菜肉也留着。总是看了很不忍，觉得我们真的太亏待那些饿着肚子的小孩了、不只小孩，大人也是。尽能力就帮朋友吃完剩饭，虽然很饱也不应该浪费。

这有什么意义？饱了，吃了，觉得不舒服，和扔了，对于那些饿着肚子的人，并没有分别吧。但这是道德上的战争吧？我认为，有可以丢掉剩饭的选择，让我们对于买食物时买多买少太放肆了。“反正又不是没钱，买多了就丢吧” 这种态度，令我反感。

出去吃饭时，最近开始习惯性地把自己的筷子带出门，以免使用木制筷子或塑胶汤匙。

对于灯、冷气，也是一样。中午亮得很，开什么灯？课室里没人，怎么冷气还开着？其实我们很多时候根本不需要冷气，新加坡虽然热，开凤山其实就够了。

我们在家，很少开冷气。爸爸、弟弟和我，尽量冲冷水。用灯，尽量全家人一起用。

其实我能做的也不算多。少用一双筷子，拯救不了我们的树林。贫富之差不可能因为我们把饭吃完而减少，但至少我内心不会麻木，我不会忘记这个地球的某一端，有着我的哥哥姐姐、弟弟妹妹，他们贫贱生活让我羞愧。

主，让我记得这一切，在我为小事心烦的时候，在我自私的时候提醒我，让我有更大的梦想。不要把我埋没在一片没有性格，心里没有燃烧着某个令自己奋斗的事的青年当中。

Alright, for the Chinese illiterate, I'll rewrite that. Its not a literal translation though, some parts are different.


Dear Andreas a collection of letters between a very famous Chinese author (current Taiwan cultural minister?) and her 18 year old son. After shirking it for years I finally got down to reading it.. and a few chapters in, I've realised the issues they discuss are very pertinent to what I've been turning over.

Today I've reached the chapter Dad told me about, the one where Andreas watches a movie called The Good Days Are Gone (literal translation, I don't know the movie). Its about these 3 young people who revolt against the wealthy in a "pacifist" way. And he wrote about his thoughts to his mum, who replied with her views.
From his letter: "I'm a young man whose life is too good, slap me hard and I don't feel that that's wrong. But at least, I see clearly my way of life, and at least, I'm not proud of it."
From her reply: "I think it is at that moment when I realized the uniqueness of your character. Not all children are like that. Some 7 year olds tear dragonflies into two or tie deadknots into cat tails. You set free your grasshoppers voluntarily and tried to persuade your brother to do the same. For a 7 year old, that's an actively moral act. Thus, can we say that moral acts are made up of both the do not-s and the do-s? In my life, there are both the do not-s (waste not, luxiate not), but for some things, I take an active stand. For example, for a lying governmental official, in opposition to a stupid strategy, not to give in to the lure of power or of societal pressure, all these are active moral acts. But whether they really change something is another matter."

Indeed our lives are too good, we owe way too many nameless debts to way too many people. But many a times I desist because - I'm tired, I'm lazy. Yet I find, there has to be something I fight for.

Waste not, that's one of them. The family rule has always been, no food should be thrown. Even if you don't like it, you can't throw it. As I grew up, I realized this rule was hardly universal. So many times I see my friends throwing away half a plate full of food that hasn't been touched. Not just rice, meat, vege, all wasted. And they do it without batting an eyelid. I hate watching that, I find it abominable, I feel unspeakable guilt towards the thousands of starving kids, starving men. Don't think Africa or the Latin Americas, there're starving people in our own country.

What's the point of finishing my food? To stuff myself way too full, to throw it away, makes no difference to the starving man. But its my protest against the attitude of "just because we have money and we have the option of throwing the leftovers away we don't care how much we buy". Eating too much food doesn't nauseate. That attitude and all that waste, that's what nauseates.

What about lights and aircons? Why do we need to turn on the lights in the middle of the day? Why do we keep empty rooms cooled in aircons? Why doesn't anybody care, unless they're paying for it and it hurts them? Sure, Singapore is hot, but not that hot that we cannot survive without aircons.

The aircons are almost never used at home. I don't even know where the remotes are. My dad, my brother and I shower with cold water. We share the lights when we're all at home, gathering in one room to do our work. We don't leave lights on when they're not in need.

That's really the least we can do. Bringing my own cutlery so I don't have to use the disposable ones, that can't save our forests. The poverty gap isn't bridged by our attempting to finish our food. But it keeps my heart and soul alive. It keeps me constantly reminded that somewhere on this earth, my brothers and sisters' poverty fill me with shame at my own lifestyle.

Help me remember all this. That when I'm fretting about small things, when I'm being selfish, I won't forget I have bigger dreams, I have bigger battles. Don't let me drown in a sea of faceless youths, with nothing burning inside of them, with no point of view, with nothing they mean to fight for.

Its not about going on overseas community involvement projects. That's all very good, but making a difference, its not an one off thing. Its about changing the way you live. If you can read this, its in your capability to do something about the waste in our lives.

Choose to take a stand.

January

And we're a month into 2012. That's .. way too fast. We're really really Year 6 now!

Haha I'm trying to keep a simple journal for this year so I don't forget what happened.

I've read 9 books this month :D and finally watched Three Idiots haha!
Yeahhh so I finished Northanger Abbey! Hoho. It was decently nice. I'll rank it third after Persuasion and P&P :)

CNY was .. a little drab this year I feel. But haha, so many little kids! Baby niece, nephew, mum's student's daughter, Ms L's baby daughter.. hee cuteness overload. And dog and cats @ Mr S's! And food! Haha its terrible to have tins of cookies and stuff beside the chair you read in when you have a sore throat. Explains why I'm still sick hehe.

Dragon Year, 2 new dragonfly records.. quite cool! Intrepid Cheong family LOL I like my dad's emailing style.

"C'est tellement mystérieux, le pays des larmes"

I love the sound of that line. Yeaps, today I was trying to read Le Petit Prince hehe and I could generally understand! Proud x) and I don't translate it in my head anymore, can just absorb the meaning. HAPPY :D haha and those random talks with JM help too although its mostly him talking and me going d'accord oui oui d'accord ahaha.

Trying to do more art stuff this year hmms its kinda fun to do stuff yourself!

Reading the Screwtape Letters now and it is so engaging. And profound truths hidden as well. C.S. Lewis is just (Y) ahh I think many relevant reminders to reflect on as well. Psalm 46:10 haha, its really amazing how God sends his messengers at the right time.

So, January. I actually do like being back in school. So I'm a sucker for routines and lists and timetables haha. Excited for February cuz I can finally learn a new piano piece! Heh I'm doing the Seasons (Tchaikovsky) this year, master one piece per month. Hahaha :D

So very relieved! Thank God. Dick just went through a heart valve operation but he reached home today. He's still very tired and has to go for rehab but he's recovering! Just got off the phone, talked to him and Barbera! Ahaha, its so good to hear their voices :) brings back the days in Schwarzwald whee. And they still can't understand my English very well haha lalala must improveeeee. Ahh really feel like a weight has lifted, I'm so glad he's fine.

I can really imagine the kind of anxiety the people in the past has suffered when letters were the only way to get information about people you love living far away. Waiting for his letter for so long while knowing that he was going to go for a heart operation was quite worrying and really if we didn't have the ability to call .. I wouldn't have found out what happened till he was strong enough to write and that's probably another month of anxiety.

PHEW. There's no other word for it yay PTL!

if only, if only

“If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs, / The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies. / The wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, / And cries to the moon, / if only, if only.”

C'est ironique que il n'a jamais été près de vrai et ouais bien sûr il y avait les temps quand le rêve si insaisissable semblait proche et peut-être plus souvent qu'autrement c'est ma faute que les choses ne se passent pas mais il me frappe d'autant plus car c'est tant que je peux sentir tous comme s'il chaque partie était réel sauf que ce n'est vraiment pas et c'est tout et je souhaite et j'implore mais je ne sais pas pour quoi il est encore un "tant pis".

Yet.

In the French Psaumes "the Lord" is translated as "l'Éternel".. et alors je sais et je pense que je ne manquerai de rien.


With all I am I live to see Your Kingdom come 
And in my heart I pray you'd let Your will be done
And 'til I see You face to face
And grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

Thank God for cats and yellow lamps and wooden tables and open windows and the smell of rain and blankets quilted by grandmas, and younger brothers, my younger brother!
--

Spent the morning making card collages :) inspired by hers, they're delightful!